Notes for the Vortex

I bought glasses recently. I went to specsavers. I paid upwards of £200 for two pairs, one sunglasses, one normal. When they arrived, I really liked the sunglasses-but I wasn't so keen on the others. I didn't feel they were really me, they go with some things I wear but they were too stylised for most things... so I decided to save them for special occasions and get yet another pair for "every day".

So I was resigning myself to spending over £150 on another pair of glasses when my boyfriend said in passing - "you know, now you have your prescription, you can get glasses online". I was dumbstruck. Incredibly, the possibility hadn't even occurred to me. And this is me we're talking about. I do everything online. When I needed to seal the bath I went online for tips. I order groceries online. When I want to find walks in the Peak district. When I want a bridesmaid's dress adjusted. Everything - my first instinct is to go online. Except, bizarrely, buying glasses. Weird. I guess it's some kind of hangover from the ceremony of going to the opticians when I was a child.

Anyway, so I looked, and of course they're insanely cheap. The website I looked at, all the frames were under £50. And the £50 ones were the top end designer - most were £20. In specsavers their nasty plastic, mega value range frames are £85. : |

Then the lenses - The ultra thinned lenses at specsavers were £120 - that's per pair remember, that's what they don't tell you about the BOGOF offer - I dropped down to the only marginally thinned ones at £60 - cos I just couldn't justify spending £120 on making my lenses a mm thinner. Even though they furiously tried to sell them to me by repeatedly warning me that my glasses would be horrible and I'd look like I had two fishbowls for eyes.

Online ultra thin lenses are £45. I feel like a total mug.

Of course I know what you're thinking. I should probably wait and see if these magically cheap glasses are really magic. They might fall apart, the colours might look good on the site but in real life they're hideous, unwearable tat. But...at specsavers, even with trying them on in real life, even with asking MWNN what he thought, I still got glasses I didn't really like. And I can't blame MWNN either - the lighting in specsavers is so awful, blinding white neon, so you can't get an idea of what they're like in real life anyway. Alright you can't "try them on" online (although some sites offered the option of uploading a photo and trying on glasses virtually!) but for the saving (over £100), for the increase in choice, for the convenience - I'll take the risk!

- Glassescrafter.co.uk - so cheap!
- glassesdirect.co.uk - really good range
- glasses2you.co.uk - hilarious "virtual mirror", but also "trial at home" service

Last Fri we went to see a play, in your actual theatre and everything. It was based on a Terry Pratchett novel...and it was done by some local young drama group...but a play!

The novel in question was Mort - which is pretty hard to get wrong given the standard of the source material. And in fairness they did a good job and it was all very entertaining, even with the singing. However it was kinda dragging on and it got to that stage where you started thinking "are they having an intermission? I could do with ice cream inna tub about now" And it went on. and on..and then about two thirds of the way thru - big song then ..stop. Hmmm...  strange place for an intermission....and now they're all bowing...people are putting on their coats...ummmm. We stood up and shuffled out to the lobby, everyone else seemed to know what was happening, we were the only ones looking bemused...Eventually one of us plucked up the courage to go and ask the organising type people - apparently the story was that they'd picked out a cast of super top acting children and given them 10 days to put together a play. However typical of the youth of today they didn't get it finished, probably too busy stabbing people, but they decided to put it on anyway. Presumably all the other people were in some way related to the cast and so weren't suprised when it stopped halfway.

All in all a rather bizarre experience but undeterred we picked up leaflets and me and the Nameless One duly found time the next day to have an argument about getting season tickets. Well we agreed on the idea of getting them, it was more like
TMWNN: I think we should get the gold seats with velvet cushions that the queen sits on
Me: I don't see why , how about these "brown" seats where you sit in a sack hung off the lighting rig?
TMWNN: Silver seats?
Me: I suppose we could get the seats with spikes on....

etc

But if we ever agree on where we're sitting we will become proud owners of season tickets for the Exchange and the library theatre. So if anyone fancies a play let us know.

PS we're going to see Waiting for Godot on valentine's day. TMWNN says it's about love.

Manchester people - Dpercussion is this Sat (free music festival in Castlefield) I've never been before and they tell me this is my last chance so I thought I'd head down! The line up etc is here. We're meeting in the Town Hall Tavern at 1ish.

Am i the only person who really wants one of these?


It's so obvious! mobile phones should be *bigger*. Bigger and dancable on - that way whenever me and mrwarfrog   have one of our surreal text conversations I could get some exercise as well!

OK so I know what some of you are thinking. "It's all very well going on about the Wire Judy, but some of us live in the arse end of nowhere and can barely get channel 4 let alone all these fancy digital channels - what are we supposed to do about it?" Do not despair my civilisationly-challenged friends! You too have an excellent US drama to watch - tho not quite the caliber of The Wire - Heroes, which starts on Wed BBC2 at 9:00, is a cracking series - a bit like Lost only with a plot that actually works. 

It's a bit hard to talk any about that plot without giving away too much - but suffice to say it's ridiculously entertaining right from the off. No slow burning "novelistic" tendencies here - just lots of action and plot twists aplenty.  It's also choc-full of eye candy whatever your gender or sexual preference - which I know doesn't add to it's artistic value but it helps right? 

No it's not the greatest TV show ever made - but it's well-written, well-paced and well-acted, and really, if your too cheap to shell out for "proper" tv then what more can you ask for??

Just in case no one has gone on at you about the Wire, on the off chance you've not been ensnared by the web weaved by evangelical Wireistas and TV critics, here's my modest addition.

Reviews of the Wire, unlike the Wire itself, follow certain rules. You have to say it's better than the Sopranos. Which it is. It's also better than The Shield, better than CSI and about a million times better than Law and Order. Top Gear don't even come close...

The next thing you have to say it's novelistic. It's been called Dickensian - but I would say (probably as I've just started The Power and The Glory and have no imagination) that it's Graham Greene-like as well. (Greeneian. Greeney. Not sure on the adjective there...) In an interview in Tapping the Wire, a recent documentary, it's creator says "Whatever you believe in, whatever you sign up for, it'll find a way to screw you" Which is a very Greene-like thing to say. It's about what happens when black and white world views are applied to reality. It's about institutions versus individuals.

You also have to say it's the greatest show on TV at the moment and possibly ever.  Almost every TV critic and certainly everyone I know who's watched it says this. It really is true that the world is divided into people who love The Wire and those that haven't seen it yet.  My route to the Wire was Charlie Brooker -  a TV critic who takes opinions from my head and expresses them in a funny way. When he started saying it was the best TV show ever we decided to check it out and bought the box set. We loved it and recommended it to a friend. Last night I was in the pub with said friend listening to him telling his brother and his brother's fiance how great it is. They're going back to Ireland where they will watch it, love it, and start spreading the word to their friends.

And so it goes on - however for some bizarre reason it's still under the cultural radar of most people - for no good reason that I can see. Yes it's a little demanding, requiring you to think, but it's hardly inaccessible, we're not talking post-modern bulgarian cinema here. It's got a lot of characters and multilayered plotlines that take place across the whole run of the series, requiring you to watch every episode to see any kind of resolution - but when it's so compelling, that's hardly a chore. Oh and it's got a lot of black people in it - depressingly one of the reasons suggested for it not achieving mainstream success in America. So there really is *no* reason not to check it out - you have nothing to lose and an awful lot to gain. 

If you fall into the "people who haven't seen the Wire yet" category then rejoice! They're showing the first season on FX and it starts tonight at 10:00.  Or if you're busy the first episode is being streamed from the Guardian website (here) for the next seven days. And if you haven't got FX or have some other feeble excuse then get in touch and I'll lend you the boxset. 

Apparently everyone's doing it...and why the hell not?

Contrary to what I put before I'm not going to my work's do tonight, so I'm free to go see Tigers that Talked, the sensational new band from Leeds, at the Night and Day tonight.

Vague plan as follows
-6:30ish - after work drinks in the Castle
-8:30-9:00ish see band
-10:00- lateish Fab Cafe

If anyone fancies a bit of mid-week alcoholic refreshment, the more the merrier!

On Monday morning I arrived at my bus stop to find this.

( Read more... )

My sister's boyfriend's band is playing at the night and day on the 12th of July - they're called Tigers That Talked they're on myspace (no link-sorry- i'm at work under draconian web filters) and they're very good - sort of folksy. It's our work's do that night so I probably won't make it - but I said I'd put a shout out.

But I can't - for two good reasons - 1) I don't own a bike and 2) I can't ride one. Oh well yes I did learn, sometime in the distant past but contary to popular belief riding a bike is not like riding a bike. It must be nearly 20 years since I last rode a bike properly and I just refuse to believe that I can just hop on one again with no problems. In fact I did try about 5 years ago and I fell off when I tried to go round a corner.

BUT - being a non-driver I also want some kind of green, urban, independant means of transport that's faster than walking. Question is- how as an adult does one learn to ride a bike?? I don't fancy the idea of riding round my local area with stabilisers and a my little pony helmet. But equally I can't see myself confidently pedalling down the road with buses and artics my first time out. There must be other people like me! Is there somekind of secret cycling proficiency club for the over 20s? and if not - why not?! I do feel slightly ashamed and embarrassed about it - it's like admitting you can't make an omlette or tie your own shoelaces. But surely i can't be the only one?

So anyway if anyone has any suggestions...I'm determined to do it somehow.

Some people have blogs for their cat, some people for their favourite teddy bear - now my best friend has a blog too! check it out!

Thought this story might amuse...

I was standing in the queue for the checkout at Somerfield and I'd just finished unloading my basket onto the conveyer, when suddenly the old chap behind me said "I'll take that" and took my empty basket. I thought he was going to put it on the pile (what with me being a lady and unable to do this myself) but instead he looked confused then said "Oh wait, I've already got one" Which he did, he had a basket full of shopping, that's why he was in the queue. Poor guy I thought. There was a short pause as the queue got shorter then he piped up again - "Where did you get those carrots?" he said. "Well, I don't have any carrots" I said " but they'll be over there by the fruit and veg". He wandered off vaguely. How awful it must be I thought, to get to that stage - confused and forgetful but still sane enough to know that it all should make sense. At this point the cashier started scanning my stuff so I scrabbled in my bag for my purse. Which I suddenly remembered was on my desk at work.

During the apologies and embarrassment that followed I pondered that those pesky marbles can get away from you at any stage of life, and shouldn't be taken for granted.

Not the MS version, - the clear glassy things in your house!

 Anyone who's personalised their google home page (and if not, look into it) should head over to google.com. American folks always get stuff before us, they got tabs before us, grumble grumble, and now you can choose a theme for your homepage that changes depending on the weather or the time of day where you are. Of course all the places you can be are in america at the moment (I've chosen to live in New York - it's the only american city I can be sure what state it's in...) but I can't wait for this bit of niftiness to  get over the pond, I just love the idea of my browser greeting me with greys and browns on rainy autumnal days and knowing it's time to go home when it starts showing the sun set...

I can't decide yet whether this is just a nifty gimmick or the Future of Web Design - but either way it's an amazing idea.

Just a quick moan about IE7. Now I'm sure most of the internet savvy folks that read this ditched IE a long time back - but I still use it at work. I put myself thru this because that's what everyone else uses so I need to know it's little ways so I can help people when they are confounded by it's unhelpful, pointless warnings - popups, dialog boxes, noises, yellow bars you can only see if you  know they're there and now full browser pages telling you untrue things you don't need to know.

When you run IE7 for the first time it takes you to a page on the microsoft site and asks the crucial question that you absolutely must answer before you can be allowed on the internet : Do you want to keep your default search provider? If you try and say no, it takes you to a whole page of pointless questions which appear to need answering. After you've navigated this you're allowed to load the page you actually want to view only to have it blocked by a pop-up - IE in it's raincoat and cigar has turned in the doorway -"just one more question ma'am - Do you want to turn on the phishing filter?"  ARRGH! GO AWAY.

There's a serious point here  -in the end it's ok (tho irritating) for us techie types, who can just tut and tell Microsoft to go to hell, we know whatever we put is probably pointless and can be changed later -  but imagine the confusion of the average user who just wants to check their hotmail and is confronted by a load of confusing questions. (It's true there's is a whole big explanation of phishing in the pop-up - but people don't read what pops up in boxes,  they look at the buttons thay have to press to get it to go away and pick one randomly.)

Today was the final straw tho, I was with someone and they tried to access their webmail, bearing in mind we use MS Outlook webmail - and the damn thing just filled a page telling them that they shouldn't load the page because the security certificate was invalid. IE6 used to put a warning up - but at the bottom was a pretty clear - load page?  Yes or No, which most ppl could get past. This warning asks them to choose -
Cancel and Return or
Load unsafe page [not recommended]

it was the [not recommended] that got me  - I remember when I used to trust [not recommended]. When I was doing something I wasn't entirely sure about I would avoid a [not recommended] option, believing MS knew what was best for me - now [not recommended] means nothing, and I routinely have to tell people to ignore what the computer is telling them. This is a Bad Thing not only because it makes my job harder, but it means users feel less in control and have less idea of what's going on. In order to click a [not recommended] option you should have a full idea of what you're doing but that's not practical anymore, to give everyone who phones a full explanation of IE's paranoid security features would just take too long. Microsoft have managed the impressive feat of giving users more options but less control.

Security is important. Of course. But bombarding users with irritating nags is not protecting them, it's teaching them to ignore the warnings.
And just don't get me started on Office 2007 : Come Back Clippy All Is Forgiven...

I seem to be having trouble with this whole blogging concept - the gap between events happening and me posting about them is getting bigger... this happened over a week ago - ah well.

So a week or so ago me and the Nameless One went on a ghost walk round Stockport. It was a really good laugh - not taken too seriously by the cheerful band of eccentrics running the show.

Here's a picture of a pale, pasty-face man who needs to get out more. And a guy dressed as a ghost.  hardy hardy haha etc

The evening was arranged by someone at work - and it made a great works do. Basically we were taken round various pubs in Stockport, encouraged to buy a drink and then taken on a tour of the premises and told about the ghosts that lived there. I know if I was a landlord in Stockport I'd suddenly remember that my basement was haunted if it meant getting 30 odd thirsty people in on a Wednesday evening.

Some of the places were very dark - I actually had to use the flash on my phone camera. As those unfortunate people who've been on the end of one of my rants will know, I hate using flash, I like photos to be an accurate representation of what you can see with your eyes at the time. So that's why i took the above picture. Not because I forgot to switch the flash on.

The evening culminated in a crazy haunted house chase through several darkened rooms above an old pub. By then everyone had had a few and the result was a scary-giggly, hysterical experience, which was pretty much the perfect ending.


I can imagine it might've been a bit too frivilous for enthusiasts, but they wouldn't go on a ghost walk designed for tourists would they? To me it was pitched just right, the people running it were clearly very keen on the subject but they didn't let that get in the way of dressing up in daft costumes, jumping out from darkened corners and generally giving people a good time. Also as a works do it worked really well, as there was enough drinking to get people relaxed but not too much they embarrassed themselves (some people would say this was a bad thing...) and lots going on so you didn't actually have to talk to each other too much.

The only thing that left a slight sour taste in my mouth was the unsmiling "medium" who accompanied us. I guess it depends how much  you believe in these things - however, I think it was Rob Newman who made the point that if they can really read people's minds shouldn't they be using their powers to help world peace instead of taking money from the vulnerable and gullible? But other than that it was a really good night.

First of all i should state that i only watch 3 hours of TV a week. This isn't some kind of self imposed restriction - there's never any more than 3 hours of TV worth watching in a week, and even if there is I usually find I lose interest in the worst show and drop to 3 hours. However I do care passionately about the TV I watch - finding the best use of my 3 hours of time is a full-time job and something I'm pretty passionate about. So now you know the background of my TV-watching habits, let's get to the point.

The trouble is 2 of my 3 hours of telly is on Sky - and we have cable.

(for those that care - currently I am watching - Lost, Battlestar Galactica, Heroes and Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe.(Charlie doesn't count as I watch that to help me to decide what to do with the 3 hours...that's research that happens to be on telly - not telly-watching, anyway if you cut out adverts...oh everyone's stopped reading..))

So what to do? Should we get sky or should we stick it out and hope it gets sorted out? I really am conflicted - I love telly but I hate Murdoch -I really do, and I really hate the whole idea of the media monopoly he's trying to create.

And sky's behaviour in this recent affair stinks to high heaven - they're running "switch to sky" commercials every 5 mins that look suspiciously slick to have been made only after Virgin refused their offer - it really looks as if they never intended to renew the contract. Obviously there's two sides -and in an argument between two giant media companies both sides come out smelling of slightly too perfect roses - but while Branson is no saint, he has the whiff of the underdog and I'd much rather he had my money...buuuut myyy tellly  - whiny voice, big eyes, "life's not fair" expression - my lovely telly that will never see a terrestrial broadcast...

*sigh* 

I just have to be strong I guess.

If you haven't seen this then I recommend it to anyone who's ever had to explain anything to anyone -

If you have seen it then I give you that feeling of smug satisfaction that you're more in the loop than I am....